The Wedding
by barrel7
Summary: It doesn't seem real. But a certain bat decked out in white seems to say differently. One-shot.


This idea for this story practically snuck up on me and hit me on the head. I think it's the fastest story I've ever written. Hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Sonic characters.

The Wedding

Knuckles couldn't believe it. Of all the things he had expected to happen on Angel Island, this wasn't one of them. He'd thought nothing could surprise him after a flying fortress of doom crashed into the island and a water-monster/chaos-god broke out of the Master Emerald. Compared to this they were as normal as trees growing in dirt.

Exaggeration? Perhaps, but could you blame him. This was a wedding, a _wedding_ for goodness sakes. Angel Island wasn't some hotel ballroom you could rent out to your cousin's nephew's uncle. It was a cold symbol of stoicism and honor. A testament to noble history and steadfast strength. It was-

Ah, who was he kidding. It was a tourist trap waiting to happen. Tropical climate, beautiful scenery, and for that exotic flavor lets add that it's literally _flying_ in the sky. The only thing that kept the hotel tycoons at bay was the threat of a less than elegant exit courtesy of the island's sole occupant. Being thrown from five thousand feet is usually a bad business investment.

Considering Knuckles' policy on intruders it was even more amazing that this little shindig was taking place. There were a little more than twenty guests as far as he could tell. While that was pretty modest for a wedding; for someone who liked his visitors in single digits (when the preferable zero wasn't available) it was practically a mob. To make matters worse he didn't even know the majority of them. Complete strangers on _his _island.

And the ones he did know…ugh. They were his friends he supposed though he more often referred to them as "the freaks I've met in my life and can't seem to get rid of". Chief among them was that blue nitwit Sonic who didn't seem to realize that the first part of a wedding involved waiting and doing so _patiently._ He was tapping his foot, picking at the flower arrangements, and being a nuisance in general. He was also switching seats every few seconds in what Knuckles supposed was a way to ease boredom. He had already single-handedly ruined the seating arrangement in less than two minutes with his antics.

Sonic's sidekick Tails wasn't much better. The two-tailed fox was usually mature for his age but at the moment the sulky child in him was at the forefront. He had been given the "honor" of being ring bearer; a task he apparently thought was beneath him. He showed his dissatisfaction by spinning the pillow holding the rings on one hand. This had the obvious result of both golden bands falling to the ground and a very red fox having to retrieve them. Tails spent the rest of the time whistling casually while pointedly avoiding the red echidna's glare.

The Chaotix were there too having somehow weaseled their way into being the band. It was already proving a bad decision from the sound of their warm-up. Vector screeched loud enough to break eardrums half a mile a way and what Espio sounded like would remain a mystery since the crocodile's "music" completely drowned him out. And Charmy, well, he was Charmy. They'd outfitted him with a pair of maracas which he was hitting random objects with, one of which was Vector's head. This elicited a threatening growl from the croc, but the little bee paid it no mind, going on in his hyperactive way.

It was hard to believe, but the Chaotix weren't the strangest of the guests. No, that place was taken by none other than Eggman. Why was he there? Who knew. Why hadn't Knuckles slammed him into a mountain? He was hoping that if he ignored him he'd go away and so far Eggman had behaved himself. He was sitting quietly and actually causing less trouble than Sonic at the moment.

There _was_ someone causing more trouble than Sonic however and it was Amy Rose, the maid of honor. For the last half hour she had been crying and muttering "Always a bridesmaid and never a bride" over and over and over again, until Knuckles was about ready to strangle her. He breathed a silent sigh of relief when the ceremony started and she finally quieted down. This lasted for the half a second it took for the Chaotix to start playing in earnest. Being a guardian gave Knuckles large reserves of determination and it took all of them to keep from clamping his hands over his ears.

Cream, acting as flower girl, came down the aisle first, scattering white petals in all directions. She did the job well. Actually she did her job _too_ well. She seemed to have an endless supply of petals in that little basket and by the time she was done all the guests in the clearing plus a good three extra feet were completely covered.

Knuckles brushed the silly things off his head in time to see the bride arrive. He had never seen Rouge look so beautiful. She was dressed all in white, every inch of which was covered in little white diamonds. An impressive fortune was contained in that one dress and Knuckles didn't like to think of where she got it.

The Chaotix were thrown off by her stunning entrance and mercifully stopped playing. Rouge walked down the aisle with only the sound of birdsong to accompany her. It would have been a stirring scene except that Eggman started blubbering half way through. Knuckles growled at him under his breath but his only response was "I can't help it. I always cry at weddings." This begged the question of how many other weddings had the old dictator crashed. By the time Eggman dried up, Rouge was at the alter.

"Alright people. Let's get this show on the road." Sonic said with a wide grin. He was standing behind the alter in a black minister's robe.

Knuckles stared at Sonic, then to where the hedgehog had been, then back. Then he did it again just to make sure.

"Sonic! What are you doing!" he yelled.

"Shhh! Knuckles remember rehearsal!" Sonic said sternly.

Knuckles gaped at this ludicrous statement then shook himself and said, "Since when are you a priest."

"I was ordained yesterday," he said proudly, "And if you can't trust a reputable source like what can you trust."

Knuckles almost started to argue again but then he figured that would only make this whole ordeal longer so he motioned to continue and Sonic gave him a thumbs-up before starting.

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to yadda yadda yadda. Anyone think these two shouldn't get hitched?"

Everyone was silent although a smart alec cricket started chirping.

"Okie-dokie. Just checking. Now- Oh, heck with it. You may kiss the bride." Sonic said, finishing what must have been the fastest sermon ever.

Knuckles heart seemed to stop as Rouge leaned in.

Then she landed a big fat kiss on the Master Emerald and he woke up.

Knuckles jumped as he came back to reality and breathed heavily until it finally set in that it had just been a dream. At this point a person would usually remember what they ate before the dream and then profusely swear off the stuff. Unfortunately for Knuckles he hadn't eaten anything before his nap. He had, however been sleeping with his nose not three inches away from the Master Emerald. Could the chaos energy have affected his dreams? Unlikely. Could having a big glowing gem shine into your skull while your brain is trying to hibernate be bad for your psyche? Probably.

Mental Note: Do not sleep while facing the Emerald.

With that in mind he turned around…and came face to face with Rouge.

"Hi there."

Knuckles couldn't help it. He shrieked like a banshee straight from the bog. For Rouge's large sensitive ears it was a painful experience.

"Ow. Hello to you too."

"Go Away! Now!"

"But I just came to-,"

"No!"

Knuckles whirled around and picked up the Master Emerald.

"You can't have it!"

He jumped off the Emerald's alter and started running for the woods but stopped and turned back a moment to yell:

"Even if Sonic IS a priest!"

Then he turned around and ran off at top speed, leaving Rouge to stand there blinking in confusion.

A/N: Sorry if you were expecting a sweet romance fic but I couldn't resist a fake out. Hope you got a chuckle out of it.


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